Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Living a Double Life

I posted about this a tiny bit in a previous post, but I wanted to expand on it. A lot of people in my family are anti-internet. They think it's this horrible thing that causes trouble and badmouth anyone who spends time on it. They think less of me because I spend so much time on it, and because of that, I live a double life.

The person they see is not the person I really am. The person they know is quiet, reserved, somewhat standoffish, uncomfortable in groups, and I'm sure some of them think I'm a bitch. They know very little about me and very few of them even ask. They all know I've published a novel and many of them bought copies, but only two family members and one friend have actually read it, and I have a very big family. I would've given them all free copies, if only they'd read it. That's what matters, but they won't. Yeah, it annoys me, considering all the times people have come to me for help with editing or making something sound nice. I've read a lot of crap I didn't want to read, because they were family and it's what you do for family. But apparently that feeling wasn't reciprocated and in the last year I've gotten better at dealing with it.

So what has helped me deal with it? The internet. Yes, that horrible awful thing that sucks away my time and earns me the criticism of my family. But there is something about the internet that my family doesn't know: The internet is supportive. Ok, so it's not the internet, exactly, but it's the people I can find on the internet.

Believe it or not, the strangers I meet on the internet tend to be exponentially more supportive than my family. They care about me and encourage me to find my true self, instead of expecting me to be someone I'm not. They don't tell me I need to do something I hate, just because that's what people "should" do. They tell me I need to find what makes me happy, and they support me in my decisions. They lift me up when I'm sad and listen to me when I need someone to talk to instead of making me feel like I'm weak for having feelings.They don't bash me for playing video games because many of them do, too. They don't roll their eyes when I talk about a fantasy or sci-fi book or movie, because they love the same things. They're just as crazy and weird as I am, and they make me feel like I actually belong somewhere, even if it may not be a real, tangible place.

Thank You - Danke

I doubt any family members are reading this, but if you are and it offends you, I apologize. But there's no getting around it: My internet family loves me in a way my real family simply can't. I want to thank you all for your love, support, and encouragement. It is because of you folks that I pushed through my first novel and got it self-published. It's because of you that I'm still writing today and actually enjoying it. It's you who tells me to suck it up and keep going when things get rough.

You are my support system, and though I may never meet you face-to-face or share a laugh over coffee with you, you mean the world to me and I wouldn't be who I am without you. Thank you.

15 comments:

  1. Samantha, I feel bad for you that you don't have a supportive family. So, in that regard it's hard for me to relate, but that said, I can totally relate to getting love and support for my cyber friends. In fact, some of my very best and most supportive friends I've met on the internet, mostly through writing circles. There is a core group of us who meet up at least once a year. If they needed me, I'd be on a plane and i know they'd do the same for me. I wish that for you with your internet friends and I hope with your real life family and friends someday too! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. That makes me sad. I wish you're "real" family could be there to support you, but I do think it's important to make our own definitions of family. Family are the people who love and support you and it can be created by choice, not blood. It is good to have support on-line, but I hope you can find that support in your face-to-face life as well. Friends can be family. I have a few close friends who are actually more like sisters. They, along with my parents and brothers are the people who love and support me no matter what. It's good to be open to other ideas of what makes a family.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Families come in so many different guises. Sharing and bonding and recognizing like minded people does not require a physical presence. I have friends on the internet that feel every bit as close as live, in-person friends.
    And I'm hoping the friendship you and I have just begun becomes a lasting one!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Samantha, it is a pity that your real family does not know you are the generous supportive and loving person that we know. Hopefully one day they will open their eyes and "see."
    Having had a similar family experience, I have chosen to expand my definition of "family" Now my family, both in real time and cyberspace is a family of my own choosing.
    I am so much happier now.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The Internet, and the writing community in particular, are certainly very generous and supportive. Perhaps you can "show" some of your family members by sharing some of the comments you receive with them. Often when people are not supportive of something it's because they are afraid of it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. You all are proving my point. Thank you so much for your kinds words. I've learned that my real family is the way it is, and I cannot change it. But I get the support I need from my ginormous internet family, and that makes all the difference in the world. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you so much for writing this. I'm in a very similar situation with my family. While they don't have a problem with me being on the internet, they have a very big problem with me being a writer. I've had to change my definition of family. I now have my biological family, but I consider my family to also be the people I love who love me. I have such a wonderful, supportive group of friends, and that helps.

    Hang in there. Hopefully some day your family will come around.

    ReplyDelete
  8. What is that old saying? "You can't pick your family but you can pick your friends." It's difficult when we don't have the support of our family, but thankfully we are able to build connections and community via the internet. Take care of yourself, Samantha, and ignore the naysayers. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Personally, I think people place too much importance on family--a disparate set of acquaintances that some random sperm and an egg lucked you into.

    That said, I don't trust most internet people either so I rely on my cats and the Wolverine for love, support and encouragement ;-)

    But I'm glad that you've weeded through the muck and have created your own support system. I'm here, should you need it. Brutal, tactless honesty and all, just an email away.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh, man, this post sure hits home with me. I have some supportive family members, but not many. I dedicated my last children's book to my parents and grandchild. I knew my dad would never read it, but I'm dumbstruck that my mom has had it for over six months and hasn't read it yet. Like you said, buying it is nice, but authors want people to read their work. As far as the support from others I've met online, you hit the nail on the head again. There's so much support, and it's wonderful. Thanks for being gutsy enough to write this post!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm really surprised that this topic kicked up so much support. And it makes me feel less alone that there are others out there who have the same problem I do. Lyn, if I even mention one of my current books (or even the idea of writing a book specifically for her), my grandmother goes "blech, blech, blech" like it's the most disgusting thought in the world. One person who did read my first book was my mother. I never expected it to because her supportive attitude kind of comes and goes. She was actually shocked that she enjoyed it (she's a romance fan and hates fantasy). Now she's eagerly waiting for the next one. So who knows, maybe in time your mother will come around. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Like Lyn, I have some who are supportive and some who are not. And I've gotten to the place where I'm okay with that. But it can be hard to handle and I'm sorry you have so little of it from the people who should be supporting you the most. I'm glad you've found it online though, because you're right. There are so many wonderful people in the writing world. :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. It's funny to me how people react--people who I thought would be supportive vs. those who I knew wouldn't. It's definitely surprised me, but I love this community I've found on the internet...its a wonderful surprise!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I thought I left a comment here, but I don’t see it. It was long too! :( I don’t want you to think I neglected you. I feel you. I’m sorry you don’t have the support you should get unconditionally from your family. But I have always felt that family is more than just blood deep. Family is made up of the people with whom you feel at home. The ones that make you FEEL like family. Does that make sense? I don’t have a lot of my own immediate family left. Just my mom and she is extremely supportive. My husband’s family is very anti-internet and I get messages from them all the time about how thieves are going to use FB and other things to hack all my accounts and personal information. But I don’t want to live my life under a rock. Maybe I’ll be sorry someday, maybe not. Point is, I understand that side of things for you. You have family in your writer/blogger friends. You can vent, share, cry and whatever else you need to do around us. Just no snot please. :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Thank you, Kristy, Coleen, and Debra. Like Coleen, it kind of surprised me who ended up being supportive and who didn't. The ones I thought would really don't give a hoot, and some people I didn't give enough credit to. I guess it's a good way to find out who is genuine and who is putting up a facade. :)

    Debra, it always makes me laugh when people are all "someone is going to steal your identity, ZOMGAPOCALYPSE". Those are the same people who will give money to an emperor in Nigeria or send their bank information to a "long lost relative." You just need to be smart and take precautions. Sure, some people are unlucky and get hacked no matter what they do, but for the most part, common sense is the most effective security you can get (such as not clicking on random Twitter DM links).

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.