Thursday, November 17, 2011

Who Designed That Ship??

Hasbro Star Wars Boba Fett 300th Figure
Even as an action figure, he's badass
From Flickr - ShaunWong

I'm a huge Boba Fett fan. There are no two ways about it. When someone asks me what fictional character I'd like to meet, the answer is always Boba Fett. The man is, hands down, the most awesomest epically badass dude in any galaxy, world, fictional setting you want to name. He rocks.

But in my late-night, pre-dream fantasizing about Boba Fett meeting me on some far away planet and falling head-over-heels in love with me, I've run into some mind-boggling and troubling issues. I tend to be a realistic fantasizer. If I'm crushing on a Hollywood celeb and find out he has a girlfriend, I have a hard time pretending he doesn't. I feel like I'm making him cheat in my mind, and it kills the crush pretty quickly. So the issues with the ship put a huge wrinkle in my plans to spend the rest of my life (and his) on Slave (whatever number he happens to be on at the time). I'm sure some of you are looking at me like I have two heads now, but that's ok. Bear with me. I'm going to focus on Slave I, but all of his ships are the same model, so they all have the same inherent issue.

Loading Lobot onto the Slave 1
See? Makes no sense!
From Flickr - Doc_Brown
And that issue is gravity. I don't know who designed the ship or came up with the idea for it to lay on it's back while in port, then stand up while flying, but it was a bad idea. It makes no sense. What about gravity? Gravity has to exist, whether it's real or artificial, or everything just floats around and we know from the movies and books that he doesn't float in his ship constantly.

First, let's think about storage. There is a cargo hold and cupboards and such. Even if each and every storage compartment had its own artificial gravity to keep things from tumbling all over, what happens when he needs something while the ship is landed? He opens the door, breaks the gravity plane, and boom, everything tumbles out onto the floor. Or if somehow the plane stays in tact while his hand reaches in there, if whatever he pulls out doesn't have a cover, it's going to spill all over. And what's going to happen to his hand when half of it is in one gravity plane while half is in the other? That has to mess with his cells somehow.

Slave I
Looks cool, but impractical (so not Fett)
From Flickr - Justin Good
Anyhoo, problem two: his captives. I know he's not too horribly concerned about them, but he does like to keep them from hurting themselves too much. The less damaged the goods, the better the price, right? He can't have them tumbling all pell mell whenever he takes off and lands. And the same goes for his cargo. He'd have to tie each and every piece down to keep it from shifting. Way too much trouble just to have a ship that looks cool when it's flying.

Not to mention the annoying issue of having to climb into a chair sideways.Remember that scene in Episode 2 (I think) where Boba and Jango had to climb into the ship while it was docked? Yeah, not very comfortable. And the cabin would have to be insanely tiny in order to sit in the chair while you're standing on the wall. Plus, unless they plan on crawling everywhere while the ship is landed, all hallways would have to be as wide as they are tall. Impractical and a waste of space. (And on a semi-unrelated note, I doubt the ship is as small or minimal as images would have you believe. There is no way that someone who spends 90% of their time on their ship doesn't have a place to sleep or an area to relax in. Boba Fett was hardcore, but he's not a robot.)

So there you have it. While Boba Fett is probably the coolest person to ever (not) exist, his ship falls short of his awesomeness.

Are there any seemingly minor aspects of any movies or books that drive you bonkers and make you wonder what the author/designer was thinking?

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  1. Tee hee, what a kill joy. Girl, you are way over thinking this thing. Here: Boba steals an X-wing fighter, tosses out the R2 unit and snatches you up, put you inside, and blasts off to a small tropical planet. Ta da!

  2. I actually love stuff like this, because of the fans who are crazy for consistency / plausibility and will jump through all sorts of hoops to make a flawed design "work."

    I seem to recall reading a similar complaint, that the interior layout of the Millenium Falcon is impossible to reconcile with its outer shape.

    The only thing that consistently bothers me in Star Wars design-wise are the AT-ATs. The armor is too strong for blasters, until you knock it over, at which point it's not that strong anymore?

  3. But Prudence, there are flaws with your plan. First, Boba wouldn't be caught dead in something as lame as an X-Wing :D and second, there's no cover on the R2 unit's hole, so I'd die instantly. I guess I'll just have to make him put an addition on his ship or something. :P

    I love this stuff, too, Daniel. I tend to laugh at the oddities that make you go "what? How is that possible?", but I do know some people who get really upset over the inconsistencies and it's pretty funny. Great point about the AT-ATs. I've also wondered just how strong those cables are. It seems to me like something that ginormous would snap them fairly easily, but, hey, what do I know? :)

  4. No doubt. The AT-ATs are actually pretty problematic. According to some sources, they distribute troops by having them rappel down from the belly (bad) or by the AT-AT kneeling and distributing troops through the front (worse). It kind of highlights the impracticality of the things as assault vehicles. I guess they're primarily supposed to "intimidate," but then how does that explain the Scout Walkers? "They're like the AT-ATs, only... wait for it... way more unstable!"

  5. Oh, and when I was a kid, I always assumed there was some sort of gyro on the chair of the Slave 1 that made it upright no matter what position the ship was in. Obviously, the toy countermanded this idea (as did the prequels, eventually) but at the time it was the only way my tiny kid brain could make the Slave 1 work.

  6. Well, the "prequels" also completely threw out everything Lucas had previously approved as backstory for Boba Fett, but that's a whole other conversation. ;)

  7. Sorry to be a realist here in a fantasy topic but...have you seen interior photos/vid of the Real Life NASA space shuttle during launch?

    They are built to fly like planes but when docked on Earth they sit upright. That means the pilots have to -climb- to get into their steats.

    As for gravity issues. NASA uses a bunch of storage options to keep everything in place. Even wires if need be. I would assume Mr.Fett would do the same.


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