Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse

Earlier this month, I mentioned that May is Zombie Awareness Month. Then I became curious about my chances of surviving a zombie apocalypse. There was a test floating around Facebook (of course, I can't find the link now), and needless to say, my chances looked bleak at best. Little did I know that help would soon arrive!

For the past several days, I have been hooked on a game that is teaching me valuable skills for the inevitable apocalypse. DayZ is a mod for Arma II and puts you in scarily realistic situations where you must fend for yourself and avoid being eaten alive or killed by fellow survivors. An addicting game, to say the least, but I have learned enough that I feel prepared for the end. But what kind of person would I be if I didn't share my discoveries with you, my faithful reader? Below is what I have learned, and together we shall survive the apocalypse!

1. Stay away from areas that were heavily populated before the apocalypse. There are two reasons for this. First and foremost, more people means more zombies. More zombies means more danger to you. Second, bigger cities have better stuff to scavenge, which also means there will be more survivors there trying to scavenge. There is a good chance someone will shoot you in the back and steal your can of beans.

2. With a knife, a gun, and a pack of matches, you'll never starve. Simple equipment that should be easy to come by, but those three things will keep you fed for a very long time. You also want to make sure you have a water bottle to refill.

3. Don't forget basic medical supplies. Bandages, pain killers, morphine, etc. You will get hurt. Be prepared to deal with it quickly and efficiently. Next to food and water, these are essential items to have. The rest is nice, but not crucial.

4. Don't shoot a noisy weapon in a city. You will draw unwanted attention and be forced to flee or fend off your attackers. Sneakiness is key.

5. Shutting an outhouse door while prone will likely kill you. I made this fatal error once. Never again. It broke both of my legs and I passed out from blood loss before I could bandage myself. A very unpleasant way to go. I'm thankful that I learned this lesson in a simulation and did not have to discover it in the actual apocalypse.

Are you prepared for the zombie apocalypse? If not, join me in DayZ and we'll prepare together!


  1. Well thank God someone has seen fit to publish this survival guide! I had no idea. Although I imagine if I were prone in an outhouse I'd eventually die from asphyxiation anyway, but I'll keep your words of advice in my mind in the event I should need them.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

  2. I'm only doing my duty as a fellow survivor, Patricia. I hope these words of wisdom help you in the coming apocalypse!


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