Is 'fat' really the worst thing a human being can be? Is 'fat' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', 'boring' or 'cruel'?
In 2008-09, I had the ambition to join the Marines. I tried my damnedest to make it work. I busted my ass to get from 215 lbs down to the required 148. I lost 50 lbs and hit a wall. I was working out nearly every day, I could run 5 km in the required time, I could do all the necessary sit-ups, and I was feeling really good. But the extra weight would not come off. Still, I really wanted to be a Marine, so I went in to talk to them.
For two months, I showed up at the recruiter's before work and worked out. I improved my running time, built my upper body strength, and worked myself to exhaustion several times a week. I followed all their instructions and dropped my calorie intake down to 900 calories a day. If you've never done that, try it for a week. It really sucks. I also started taking Niacin, as they suggested. The combination of everything made me dizzy and weak all the time and I constantly felt like I was going to pass out. Still, the weight wouldn't leave. After some other things started going wrong, I realized I just wasn't meant to be a Marine. I still respect the hell out of them, but I wasn't destined to be one of them.
It wasn't all a waste, though. I learned several things from that time in my life.
2) I need to listen to my body. When my body is telling me that something isn't right, I need to listen. I was abusing my body, trying to make it be something that it just cannot be. I'm happy I lost that initial weight. I've since gained some of it back, but I'm now a size 14/16 instead of an 18/20, and that's fantastic. Still, I wonder if it was worth the insane lengths I went to. Now, I ignore the scale and focus on how I'm feeling. If I've been drinking too much soda lately, my body lets me know. If I've been eating too unhealthy, my body tells me. Sometimes my jeans are helpful in that area, too. But I've stopped focusing on the numbers and pay more attention to the feelings.
3) Size doesn't matter. When I go shopping, I need to choose clothes that fit, regardless of what size they are. Even though I really want to fit into that medium junior top, I'm not going to. Picking properly fitting clothes not only makes me look better, it makes me feel better. And who doesn't want to feel better about themselves? Different brands use different sizing scales, so while I may be a medium in one brand, I'll be an extra large in another. And that's okay, as long as the item fits properly. And I also learned recently that I'll never, ever fit into the Kardashian line because the Kardashians hate fat people.
4) I need to love myself as I am. Who I am now is more important than who I want to be. We can never know what tomorrow will hold, so if we wait until then to have respect for ourselves, we never will. We may not be perfect, but we are who we are and we need to love ourselves completely. If we don't, who will? I exercise in the form of milking cows 6 days a week. That's enough for me. I eat fairly healthy and moderate unhealthy foods, but I don't deny myself anything. I'm tired of living for tomorrow. It's time to live for today.
I know a lot of people will read this and think "Yeah, but if you're overweight, you need to try to lose it." To that, I ask "why?" I'm not unhealthy, my weight doesn't inhibit me from enjoying my life, so why do I need to lose it?
My weight does not define me. I'm smart, I'm talented, and even with the extra weight, I'm still fairly pretty. And if someone wants to judge me based on a little extra pudge, well, they know where the virtual door is.
|Do Not Pass Go|
Courtesy of Lynn Kelly
*I am not advocating obesity here. If weight is affecting your health, consult a doctor.